I am not a fan of conflict. I get upset and try to fix the situation as soon as possible. Someone else who doesn’t like conflict will do the exact opposite. They will get defensive and walk away from the conflict then come back to it later. I’m not sure I’m qualified to say which one is the better option, but I can tell you for myself I am completely against walking away and then coming back to it. When the person walks away, I am left to feel abandoned and wonder when or if they are ever coming back to resolve the issue. That is an uncomfortable feeling that I’m not okay going to bed with. (Never go to bed mad or upset with someone). Because of the fact that I’m not okay feeling that way and will not feel better until that person comes back to resolve the problem, I am then allowing someone else to control how I’m feeling and the way I go about my day until everything is fixed. That too is not okay with me…
That being said, this could stem from my childhood with the way my parents would argue, or could be because most of the guys I’ve ever dated broke up with me for a reason they couldn’t explain or one day just disappeared without returning my call ever again. Those could trigger a person to feel abandoned in certain situations in life.
Someone pointed out to me during a conflict that I would interrupt them and not let them get their full sentence out or point across. I realize I’m doing that after the fact but not during. I started to think about it and I need to be better at listening. Not listening with my next response in my head, but actually listening so I can fully understand what the person is saying before responding. Then responding in a way that will respectfully get my point across. I never want to make a person feel dumb for their words or come across as rude to someone. One thing I’ve learned over the years is that arguments are not supposed to be about who is wrong or right. They are more so about getting a better understanding about the other person’s perspective about the situation, why they are upset about it, and then coming to an agreement at the end of it. That can even be agreeing to disagree, but it’s not about being wrong or right… I know, shocking that a girl is actually saying it’s not about me being right, but growing up will make you realize that.
We are not perfect. We are all human and we make mistakes. It’s what you do with that mistake and how you handle it afterwards that truly matters. This post is not about anyone or anything specific but rather a realization that we all have things we can be working on to be the best version of ourselves that we can be.
What is something that you could be working on to better yourself? Are you listening to listen, or listening to respond? How you do respond when you are faced with conflict? Feel free to share your experiences.