Pain and Frustration

Saturday. It’s been 4 days since my surgery and even though I have been through a lot since then, I thought I would be further along than I really am. I woke up in more pain today than I was in yesterday. I thought the pain was supposed to go away more and more each day, not increase. The doctor told me that I would be sore for about two weeks or more, but sore to me is different than being in pain. The planner and worrier in me is now thinking about next week. How am I supposed to go to work on Monday when I can barely talk? How am I supposed to go to work when I can’t take pain medication on the job? Is there something wrong with my healing process? Am I doing something wrong, or too much, or not enough? Today I am full of frustration. I want all of the pain to go away. I want to feel like my normal self again. I want to eat whatever I want and not worry about if it’s going to hurt going down.  I want to be able to have a conversation without feeling like I’m screaming because I can barely get my voice out. I am exhausted. It’s crazy how a situation like this can really make you realize all of the small things you take advantage of everyday. Like having a simple conversation on the phone or grabbing something quick to eat on the go. It’s 3:30pm and I feel miserable…

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